I can't stand to know you're hurt because of me and others. It's like a monster living inside of me, who never came out until now.

It's like the truth that was lying on the bottom of a bottle in the sea, and finally reached the beach.

I never tried to stop my feelings, but maybe this is the right time to learn to do that. It's a shame how I can let them ruin my life, how I can let them steal my sleep at night.

Because of the helpless feeling I stopped act like I love you, but that doesn't mean I hate you. And knowing it's my own fault I'm lying in my bed, awake, waiting till the nightmare comes and get me.

I don't know how to explain my feelings, I never felt this before. It's because I never knew what real friends do to me. And when I finally found them, I let them down. It's so hard if someone shows you your own mistakes.

When I was young I could only listen, I could never talk about myself and maybe that's what freaked me out. Nobody knew me, nobody cared. Nobody seems to care.

But now I see there really áre people who care about me, and the feeling to be loved is so warm, it's frightening me.

So that's why I walked away from you, why I walked into a wall of pain.

But you didn't give up, you kept telling me things and I believe you, I really believe you.

The point is, that I don't want to be sad, but I don't want to loose my thoughts either. What if I become a feelingless bitch?

What if I don't know how to listen anymore? Because my ears should be something where you can always count on, even when they're sleeping. I don't want to forget how to use them..

xoxo.